The Weird Biological Reason Why Men Actually Cheat

What Esther Perel isn’t telling you

Men have struggled with monogamy since the dawn of time. So many of us, gays and women alike, have suffered through relationships plagued by infidelity. The result? Lifelong anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. It seems hopeless. Yet, scientists have recently discovered there’s actually a simple biological reason as to why men cheat:

It’s because of a ghost.

There’s a ghost controlling them. It’s a ghost every single time. All men were cursed by a witch thousands of years ago to be possessed by a cheating ghost and she hasn’t let the curse up!

The good news is that you can diminish their power with sage essential oil and a magic spell. Ghosts hate essential oil blends sold by stay-at-home moms trapped in MLMs.

The bad news? Scientists have no idea how to pronounce the ancient spell that lifts the curse! The original spelling was lost in time, and now all we have are the lyrics to You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon — an approximate translation.

Sorry ladies. Looks like this problem is going to haunt us forever.

I’m terrified of aging but I do it every day. Imposter syndrome survivor. Just kidding what am I doing here